◆During a Christmas exam, one of the ques-tions was: “What causes a depre-ssion?”One of the students wrote: “God knows!I do not know. Merry Christmas!”The exam papercame back with the prof. ‘s no-tation: “God gets100, you get zero. Happy New Year!“

◆The more we study, the more we know. The morewe know, the morewe forget. The more we forget, the less we know. The less we know, the less weforget. The less we forget, the more we know. So why study?

◆The professorrapped on his rostrum and shouted: “Gentle-men, order!” The entire class yelled: “Beer!”

◆“If the Deandoesn’t take back what he siad to me thismoring, I’m goingto leave college.” “What did he say?” “He told me toleave college.”

◆The bright student looked long and thoughtfully at the second ex-amination ques-tion, which read: “State the number of tons of coal shipped out of the United States in any given year.” Then his brow cleared and he wrote: “1492-none.”

◆Prof. : “Wake up that student next to you.” Stud. : “You do it yourself, pro- fessor, you put him to sleep.”

◆Prof. : “You can’t sleep in my class.” Stud. : “If you don’t talk so loud I could.”

◆“Our economicsteacher talks tohimself. Does yours?” “Yes, but he doesn’t realize it. He thinks weare listening.”

高考临近，以下是一些英语幽默笑话集锦，希望对大家有所帮助！

◆“I shall now illustrate what I have in mind, ”said the teacheras he erased theblackboard.

◆First stud. : “The dean says he is going to stop smoking in the college.”Second stud. : “Huh!Next thing he’ll be asking us to stop smoking, too.”

◆Teacher: “A fool can ask more questions than a wise man can answer.” Stud. : “No wonder so many of us flunk in our exams!”

◆A college freshman was being severely criticized by his professor, “Your last paper was very diffi-cult to read, ”said the profe-ssor, ”Your work should be so written that even the most ignorant will be able to under-stand it.” “Yes, sir, ”saidthe student, “what part didn’t you get?”

◆The professor was delivering the final lec-ture of the term. He dwelt with much emphasis onthe fact each sutdent should devote all the intervening time preparing for the final exami-nations.” “The examina-tion papers arenow in the handsof the printer. Are there any questions to be asked?” Silence prevai-led. Suddenly a voice from the rear inquired: “Who is the prin-ter?”

◆Prof. : “Never mind the date. The examina- tion is more important.” Stud. : “Well, sir, I wanted to have something right on my paper.”

◆Mary had beento school for the first time. “Well, darling, what did you learn?”asked hermother, when Marycame back home. “Nothing, ”sighed Mary hopelessly, ”I have got to go back again tomo-rrow.”

◆One morning Professor Blankwas going to meet his studen-ts in the after-noon, so he wrote some words on the blackboard which read as follows: “Profe-ssor Blank willmeet the class this afternoon.” Some student, seeing his chance to dis-play his sense of humour after reading the notice, walked up and erased the “C”in the word “class”. The pro-fessor noticing the laughter wheeled around, walked back, looked at the student, then at the notice with the “C”erased-calmly walked up and erased the“l”in “lass”, looked at the flabbergastedstudent and pro-ceeded on hisway.

◆Teacher: “Henry, what are the three works which some of you use most often in class ?”Henry: “I don’t know.” Teacher: “Correct.”

◆Teacher.” Mary, why don’t wash your face? I can see what you had for breakfast this morning.” Mary: “What was it?”Teacher: “Eggs.” Mary: “Wrong, tea- cher. That was yesterday.”

◆Teacher: “What is an abstract noun, Jane?”Jane: “I don’t know, madam.” Teacher: “What, you don’t know ?Well, it’s the name of a thing which you can think of but cannot touch. Now, give me an example. “Jane: “A red-hot poker.”

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